Help! How Can We Stop Fighting?

It's safe to say that conflict is inevitable in any relationship. But, for many couples learning how to respectfully resolve conflict can be a bit more challenging. For example, when couples view conflict as a threat to the relationship and something to be avoided, they often find that unaddressed disagreements make for much bigger problems down the line.

Healthy couples fight, but they "fight fair" - accepting responsibility for their part in a problem, admitting when they are wrong, listening to their partner, and seeking compromise.

When it comes to fighting, if you approach your partner with the attitude that things have to be your way, it will be difficult to find common ground. While it’s certainly OK to have strong convictions, your partner deserves the same respect. But, you are both more likely to get your needs met if you respect and listen to each other. If you find yourself wanting to lash out in the middle of an argument, try one of these three tips:

• Don’t make “You” statements; use “I” statements to accept responsibility and communicate how you feel.
• Don’t bring up the past. Stay in the present argument.
• Listen. Remember that you care about the person you are in conflict with and that the best way to get both of your needs met is through mutual respect.

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